What If Rest Isn't Something You Earn?

July 2026 - Soft Girl Summer

Heyy, Niece!

If I'm honest, I think many of us have a complicated relationship with rest. We say we want it. We dream about it. We promise ourselves we'll slow down once things settle down. Yet when an opportunity to actually rest presents itself, we often find ourselves doing everything except resting. We start another project. We answer a few emails. We clean something that wasn't bothering us five minutes ago. We scroll through our phones while mentally reviewing tomorrow's to-do list. Somehow, even in moments that are supposed to be restorative, we struggle to be still.

I don't think that's because we're incapable of resting. I think it's because many of us were taught that rest is something we earn. We learned that rest comes after the work is done, after the responsibilities are handled, after everyone else's needs have been met. The challenge, of course, is that the work is never really done. There is always another task waiting, another goal to pursue, another person who needs something from us. If rest is always waiting on completion, then many of us will spend our entire lives waiting for permission to pause.

Women, in particular, often receive praise for how much we can carry. We are celebrated for being dependable, resilient, and selfless. We become experts at juggling responsibilities and showing up for everyone around us. Over time, our ability to endure becomes part of our identity. The problem is that survival and wellness are not the same thing. Just because we can keep going does not mean we should.

Just because we are capable of carrying the weight does not mean it isn't heavy.

For women of color, this conversation often carries an additional layer. Many of us have been raised on stories of perseverance. We come from generations of women who made a way out of no way, who carried families, communities, and dreams on their backs while navigating challenges that often went unseen. Their strength helped create opportunities many of us benefit from today, and there is pride in that legacy. But sometimes that legacy can leave us believing that our greatest value is our ability to endure.

We are often described as strong before we are described as soft. Capable before we are described as cared for. Independent before we are allowed to be vulnerable. While those qualities are admirable, they can also create unrealistic expectations. When everyone expects you to be strong, it becomes difficult to admit when you are tired. When people applaud your ability to carry everything, it can feel selfish to put something down.

The truth is that strength and softness were never meant to be opposites.

You can be resilient and rested. Ambitious and at peace. Successful and supported. Choosing ease does not diminish your strength; it honors your humanity. After generations of pushing through, surviving, and overcoming,

perhaps one of the most powerful things women of color can do is believe they are worthy of gentleness, joy, and restoration.

Not because they have earned it. Not because they have suffered enough. Simply because they are human.

What fascinates me is how uncomfortable rest can feel for people who desperately need it. Have you ever taken a day off only to spend the entire day thinking about what you should be doing instead? Have you ever sat down to relax and immediately felt guilty? That guilt doesn't come from nowhere. It often comes from years of believing that our value is tied to our productivity. When we are accomplishing, producing, and achieving, we feel worthy. When we are resting, we feel as though we are falling behind.

The older I get, the more I realize that exhaustion is not a badge of honor. Being overwhelmed is not proof that you are successful, important, or needed. It simply means you are carrying a lot. And while there will certainly be seasons that require more of us than others, there must also be seasons where we intentionally replenish ourselves. We understand this concept when it comes to almost everything else. We charge our phones. We water our plants. We service our cars. We recognize that maintenance is necessary for things to function properly. Yet somehow we expect ourselves to keep operating on empty and then wonder why we feel disconnected, irritable, and depleted.

The truth is that rest supports the life you are trying to build. Rest gives you the energy to show up for the people and priorities that matter most. Rest improves clarity, creativity, patience, and perspective. Rest creates room for joy. It allows you to hear your own thoughts beneath the noise of obligations and expectations. Most importantly, rest reminds you that your value does not disappear when you stop producing.

☕ Sip Some auntTEA

Some of us have spent so much time proving we can handle everything that we've forgotten we were never supposed to handle everything alone. Exhaustion is not the goal, Niece. Peace is.

As we move into July and embrace this season's Soft Girl Summer theme, I hope you'll consider what softness really means. It isn't weakness, avoidance, or a lack of ambition. It is the willingness to stop treating yourself like a machine. It is choosing ease when everything around you encourages constant hustle. It is protecting your peace, honoring your limits, and creating space for the things that make you feel whole.

Maybe the question isn't whether you've done enough to deserve rest. Maybe the better question is what would happen if you stopped believing you had to earn it in the first place. My guess is that you might discover something many of us have forgotten: your worth has never been dependent on how much you accomplish. You were worthy before the promotion, before the degree, before the accolades, and before the endless list of responsibilities. And because of that, rest isn't a reward waiting for you at the finish line.

It's something you deserve right now.

If you want to continue reading about this topic, step into Auntie's Reading Room. This month, we are reading:

Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey

Tricia Hersey challenges the belief that our value is tied to productivity and constant achievement. She reminds us that rest is not something we earn after we've done enough—it is a basic human need. This book encourages us to slow down, reject the pressure to always be "on," and embrace rest as a way of honoring ourselves, protecting our well-being, and creating space for a softer, more sustainable life.

Always rooting for you,

🌿Your Fave Auntie